Izaya's Daily Life
by ReInnovator
Summary: A short one shot detailing the daily life of Ikebukurou's  least  favorite inhabitant. Izaya Orihara


A brief one-shot I came up with after obsessively watching Durarara! and watching music videos. It's amazing what that can do to your mind! Some of the jokes are inspired by a very good freind's story "A Shared Apartment". Go read it if you get the chance

**Izaya Orihara's Great Day**

Most people would have considered it an incredibly miserable day. Rain was pouring down onto the dimly lit streets and passers-by were running for shelter. But for him it was an amazing day. Scenarios flashed through his mind of every possible situation people could be getting into on a day like this. The images ran from the somewhat hilarious, such as people forgetting an umbrella or slipping and falling, to the somewhat romantic, two people together under the same umbrella sharing the warmth, to his personal favorite, the mind bending and usually traumatic, such as people almost being run over by skidding cars or almost falling off a bridge due to the sheer slipperiness. All of these thoughts that would have caused other "normal" humans to feel emotions of terror and awe, merely caused him to begin laughing as he walked along merrily in the rain. This man was the infamous informant Izaya Orihara. A man notorious for his love of humans and expressing said love by putting them through dangerously traumatic situations. This particular day he had just tricked an entire section of the Blue Squares into admitting their evil deeds on national television.

"It's the little things like these that remind me why I love humans."

He mused to himself as he casually crossed the street. Strangely a small motorcycle was thrown and crashed into where he was standing only a moment ago. This event is usually characterized by an enormous yell coming from the direction the object was flung from that managed to occur right on schedule.

"IZAAYAAA!"

Even though a potential close encounter with death was veritably right behind him, Izaya still kept the same incredibly calm expression as he ran towards the last safe place. His apartment in the center of Ikebukurou remained the only place he could be safe from the wrath of his old enemy, Shizuo Heiwajima. As far as his day had been going, Izaya wasn't about to allow it to be ruined by a well-aimed vending machine.

"Hmm… I wonder what's for dinner tonight. I sure hope she's not making that pasta thing again. She needs some cooking lessons. OH BY THE WAY SHIZUO! YOU NEED TO AIM MORE! I'M STILL ALIVE AND HAVE A SEVERE LACK OF BRAIN DAMAGE!"

Unfortunately for our her- wait… no. AH YES! Main Character, the taunting merely made his adversary more accurate… and also quite a bit faster. Noticing this a seemingly worried sweat suddenly broke out onto the information broker's completely calm expression.

"This would be so much easier if I had a gun. Oh well. I guess the easiest way would be…. There!"

Izaya turned suddenly, jumping deftly onto an alley stairway that conveniently led straight back to his apartment. To add to his luck, he was far enough away from his assailant to avoid being followed. After he had confirmed his own safety and hearing the enraged cry of defeat from his assailant he resumed his walk home.

As he entered his apartment he questioned the dark-haired scientist whom he had employed as his secretary for reasons no one is sure of. (I don't even think he knows why.)

"Namie, did you do what I asked you while I was gone?"

The woman, who seemed to be his age, or at least around that, stared back at him with an expression that would make any normal person leave the room shivering with fear. But Izaya is not a normal person.

"Oh don't look at me like that. It couldn't have been that bad. It was just a favor to Denis at Russian sushi and why was advertising it so bad? Was it the fact that you had to wear that outfit? Cause I thought it suited you a little."

"I swear Izaya. If you didn't pay me so well, and the fact that I have nowhere ELSE to go I would have destroyed you a while ago." The woman

Izaya replied with an extremely cheerful voice "Just like how you "destroyed" that Mikado kid?"

Namie twitched at the mention of the boy who had single-handedly ruined her life and reduced her to serving as the secretary of the insane informant.

"Don't even get started with that. It only makes me want to kill you more."

"Hahaahahaha! Exactly what I expected! You still haven't gotten over that have you? Ah well, in any case were there any visitors for me today while I was gone?"

"Yes a certain blonde kid came by asking for your help. Something about his gang and the dollars."

"Well schedule him in for tomorrow will ya?"

"Fine."

"I spontaneously feel like seeing just what damage I caused today. Be back in a bit, and make sure the food is EDIBLE today." He said as he donned his trademark jacket that would've made anyone else look ridiculous but suited him and merely amplified the unique existence of that man. The second he exited the room, Namie began contemplating whether or not to fill his dish with enough cyanide to kill a large whale.

"Nah, he's my current source of income and I don't have access to his bank account yet"

At that moment Izaya was watching the police take away the convicted Blue Squares from atop a building where he had tested the will of those who said they had wanted to die. Fond memories came rushing back of the people whom he had dissuaded then convinced to commit suicide mostly out of their hatred for him. As he lapsed back into these memories a woman in a very iconic cat-eared biker helmet appeared behind him.

"And what brings Ikebukurou's favorite courier to this desolate rooftop"

The woman took out the phone she used as a primary means of communication.

"It was you wasn't it. You're the only guy I know who could possibly convince people to confess like that without them even knowing"

Izaya merely smiled and said, "well you know me. It's not a good day for me without figuring out what goes on in these humans' heads. After all I do adore humans."


End file.
